Reconciliation – Day 78

October 17th, 2013
My husband had an appointment that he wanted me to go to with him, so I did.

We were at the VA hospital until 1:40 pm for him to get treatment for his bipolar disorder. It was a lot of running around and seeing different people. He bought me a hotdog since I hadn’t eaten all day, he knows that I don’t eat hot dogs. Do I buy him broccoli when I know he doesn’t eat it? I didn’t eat that hot dog. The doctor called him while he had disappeared to get food, he hadn’t told me anything so I couldn’t say anything. (What would I say?  “He’s here.. Somewhere. I just don’t know where or when he’ll be back”? ) He found the person that had called him 10 minutes prior and went in. My husband came out to the waiting room to get me, I was expected to explain the symptoms of his disorder. It’s hard to explain without knowing the disorder too well. If I was given a list, I could pick out his symptoms of lunacy. I don’t mean that people with the disorder are crazy, I don’t know that to be true, but my husband seems to resemble crazy sometimes. There was this one time he accused me of stealing all of the brand new light bulbs and replacing them with ones that had blown out. First: Why would I waste my time doing that, 2nd: Where did I keep a secret stash of old light bulbs that should have been thrown out, and 3rd: What the hell? You  can’t argue with crazy. We were finally leaving and I was carrying our 3 year old and tipped over against the wall. My husband asked if I was OK. I said that I had a headache. It was really more horrible than my tone of voice suggested and I was getting dizzy too, but I didn’t mention that part. He said that it was hunger and I should eat the hotdog, but that was a traumatizing thought. Yes, I fear hotdogs, is there a name for that? He took our son and carried him as we continued walking to find our car that he parked on the roof. I told my husband that we didn’t have time to go to Sam’s Club as he planned. He said that he’d given our oldest son his key. A little after 2:30 the school called and said that our youngest daughter missed the bus and needed to be picked up. I told my husband and it was just as I thought. I told the school that we were an hour and a half away and so there was no one to pick her up. The woman on the phone said that she’d try to get someone on the staff to drop her off. I tried texting my dad, but he didn’t answer. My husband tried calling him, but I suppose that he didn’t answer the call either. I assume he must have been on his way to work as it was about that time for his afternoon shift. We immediately left the store without completing our shopping. Even though we left promptly and he consistently drove a few miles above the speed limit, it still took 2 hours to get home. When we arrived all the kids were home safely. I was expecting Social Services to be there or something, just because she was supposed to be on the bus and stay home with her older siblings and we were several hours out of town. I was aiming to beat them home, I told him we didn’t have time. I am never home later than 30 minutes after the kids get home. Well, he put the food away. I went to lie down. He told me that I needed to eat. Great way to ruin a nap I hoped would get rid of my headache. If I get really sick from not eating I’d be doomed because I don’t eat when I’m sick. I was restless for a bit as I considered his suggestion. I didn’t get up, but partly because I wasn’t sure that I could. He left the bedroom and returned with 2 homemade tacos. I ate those and thought that was enough, but later discovered that the tacos weren’t dinner. I remained in bed to avoid falling over and he brought me a plate of dinner later. It wasn’t long after that I must must have fallen asleep.

Reconciliation – Day 78

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