August 8, 2013
It isn’t really fair. My husband isn’t fully satisfying my discipline needs. So I have this unfair situation.
I have sort of a new master. I’m not sure we’re compatible, but I love the list of very specific rules. Ok. Yesterday, my new master contacted me. (I’m just testing to see if this works out.) I hadn’t heard from him in days which was apparently my fault for not contacting him with a name to call me by. I’m not good at contacting people. I can’t keep a schedule. So he decided I needed to be punished with the implement of my choice. I loved the idea of punishment, I just didn’t want to do it. Lol. I wanted to postpone it a day but was told it would be worse and include the paddle. (Did I mention I hate that evil paddle?) I managed to postpone it until 1:15, but was at least 15 minutes late at getting started. I got on Skype video. He asked what I chose to use. I picked the belt as I’m already familiar with it. I was already told it would be 10 on each side. It should have been more, I really did stall on purpose. He really gave me no instruction. I felt lost. He made me count, I hated that. I really hated it, I felt pretty alone. He didn’t say much. I’ve said that any new master would be compared to the old one and I’ve got certain feelings I can’t explain right now. (I could, but I want to think of better words.) I can try.. I never felt alone with my former master. I felt as though he was holding me and caressing me even as I was punished. I loved that he scolded me. I felt loved and cared for, I felt that I didn’t deserve to feel so good while being punished. He had a power over me and I always felt it, I always trusted him. I just always felt it was right, I didn’t want to lose that- not ever. So far I feel nothing from my new master.. absolutely nothing, but maybe this needs time. I do love when my new master calls me a “good girl”, I feel like a kitten being stroked when he says that, I could literally almost purr. I’m not kidding.
I didn’t feel any lingering effects from that punishment until my husband slapped my butt. It had hurt just a little bit on both sides even though he only slapped my left side and I thought of my new master. I never think of anyone else when I’m with my my husband, but I was caught off guard. I dismissed it from my mind and went to make the spaghetti as I was told by my husband.
The unfair thing is different rules. My husband hates that I don’t wear panties and threatens to spank me. This.. my master requires that I don’t wear them. So I’m possibly screwed either way. I was caught not wearing them 2 days ago and my husband insisted I put a pair on, he tends to spank me with that evil paddle if I don’t do as he says, so I did which put me in conflict with the rules of my new master. I’m in trouble either way. Lol.
By the way, I missed a check in time last night. I forgot what time I was supposed to and he was supposed to send those additional rules in a message so I can remember. So now I suppose I’m in trouble again.